I'm the Crooked Branch on My Family Tree
Mar. 11th, 2011 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lyricalechoesI grew up in a crowd. That’s been a strange part of becoming an adult, trying to get used to not being a crowd everywhere I go. I often feel very self-conscious, even now, because we always got a lot of attention when we went out in public. I forget that people probably are not staring at me everywhere I go. When I was young, I really hated the matching outfits Mom had us make out of material covered in flags of the world. When we were all dressed alike, I knew people would know for sure we were all in the same group. We also would get a lot of questions because we were home-schooled. If we were at a store in the morning, often strangers would ask my mom, “Shouldn’t these kids be in school?”
I like having seven siblings but I have spent most of my life wanting to feel unique, special, and important for just being me. People often referred to us as a clan. I can’t count how many times I was asked, “Now, which one are you?” This often made me feel like I had no personal identity. But now I am thankful to be related to many people who care about my children. I am glad my children can get a glimpse of what it is like to be in a big family, because they will definitely never have as many siblings as I do! I am 32 but I think of my siblings often, though we now live in four different states.
I have two brothers and four sisters. We’re all from the same set of parents. However we are rather spread out in age. My oldest brother is 19 years older than my youngest sister.
The oldest in my family is Luke who was born in Boston. He will be 35 in April and lives in Pennsylvania. He has been married almost 13 years and has five children, two girls and 3 boys. Their children range in age from 2 years old to almost 12 years old. Luke is a System Engineer and Administrator at Acxiom Corporation. He is very successful. Luke and I do not share a close sibling relationship perhaps because he is very busy with his family.
The next sibling, born in Georgia, is me.
Miriam, born in Missouri, is the sister after me. Miriam will be 31 years old on St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th). Miriam is a product engineer at Norment Security Group. She has been married almost 3 years and has a one year old son. Her family lives in Ohio. Even though she is younger than me, she was always held up as my example. She is an amazing person, very admirable and organized. We have the closest sibling relationship though we do not get to see each other often.
After Miriam comes Lydia. Lydia will be 26 on March 15th. She was born while we lived in Brussels, Belgium. She spoke mostly Lingala until she was two, due to her African nanny. She doesn’t remember living with us in Zaire but I know she cried a lot when we left her nanny behind. Lydia could not read at all until she was nine years old. She has found ways to manage and finish college but my parents are pretty sure has undiagnosed dyslexia. They are proud she managed without an interventions but I often wonder if a diagnosis would have helped. She used to be convinced she was stupid just because she struggled so much with reading. She graduated from college with a degree in Outdoor Leadership in Education and plans to spend her summer this year working in a camp in Kosovo. She may never be as wealthy financially as some of my other siblings but she has a real heart to reach out to others.
After Lydia comes Elijah. One way Elijah is special to me is that he is because I was present at his birth. I was one of the first people to hold his hand and speak with him as the doctor stitched up my mom. I was only 10 years old then so the experience made quite an impression on me.
Elijah is 22 years old and is a Software Engineer at Rockwell Collins. He lives in Iowa and is busy saving up to buy a home. He really wants to get married and start a family soon. I remember those days of wanting to rush to grow up and hope he makes good choices. I worry a bit since he broke up with his last girlfriend since she said she might want to work part-time. He is very traditional and wants a wife who will stay home and home-school their children. I wonder sometimes how his married life will turn out but I guess there are plenty of girls who dream of what he has in mind.
My sister Anna is 20 years old. She and Elijah were both born in Little Rock, Arkansas. She is the one who worries me the most. She still lives at home with my parents. She went to college for one year but then dropped out, in spite of making a 4.0. She is considered a local playwright and writes and directs 2-3 musicals a year. I admire her talent and organizational skills but she spends the majority of her time keeping house for my parents. She says that most of all she wants to marry and have a family of her own but she rarely is around any single men. I worry that she may spend the rest of her life caring for my parents. She says she realizes that may happen and she won’t resent it. I do wonder though that the years will pass and she will wish she had at least lived away from home for a little while.
The baby of the family is Jubilee. She was born in Alabama and will be 16 in April. Jubilee cares for two of our neighbors’ horses and competes on horseback in many competitions. She is starring at “Anne” the title role in “Anne of Green Gables” that will be presented in her community theatre in April (not the group Anna directs for.) Jubilee makes very high grades and hopes to become a mechanical engineer like Miriam.
I’m second in family placement but feel I’m at the bottom in achievement. The only things I ever did “first” were get married (at age 19) and have a few pieces of work published. I’m proud of my publication credits but it does seem like my siblings don’t think it’s a very big deal. They wonder why I would celebrate when I've never been paid for my writing. I’m 32 but I’m (still) in college.
I love my siblings very much but, as time goes on, I have begun to think very differently than they do. They are all very conservative and religious. They believe home-schooling is what any responsible parent does. They greatly question my judgment in wanting to become an English teacher to students outside my family. My 3 children attend public school and I hope to teach in the public school system. One reason I send my kids to school is I believe it is important to learn how to work in a group of people who aren't related to you. That's something that can be done through home-school groups but not something my parents exposed us to very often.
As the years pass, I have less and less in common with most of my siblings but they are still part of where I came from and still the people we spend some of our holidays with. They don’t understand why I no longer think as they do about political issues. They see life as full of black and white decisions where I have grown to see the world contains many hues. The world is full of color after all, as many views and nationalities as were represented on those matching flag outfits Mom used to make us wear. I come from a large clan but I’ve come to see there is a bigger family I am part of, that of all humanity. I hope that someday they will each see that even those who aren’t financially successful or in conventional marriages are still people who deserve to be loved. And I will love my siblings for who they are, even if they never change.
They are my family still, after all these years.
Below is a photo of us wearing the "dreaded" flag outfits. We girls don't look so bad because the photo doesn't show that all our skirts are ankle-length and in the same bright "flags of the world" material that the boy's shirts are in. Miriam and sewed all the outfits ourselves. Jubilee (the youngest) isn't in the photo since she wasn't born yet. In the photo, I have the very curly hair. My hair is naturally straight but I used to work hard to make it curl as a child, in an attempt to "stand out" in my family. My dad has the beard and Mom has dark hair. The three blond girls are me (with curls), Miriam, and Lydia. Anna has the reddish ponytails. Luke is the tall boy and Elijah is the blond toddler.
I like having seven siblings but I have spent most of my life wanting to feel unique, special, and important for just being me. People often referred to us as a clan. I can’t count how many times I was asked, “Now, which one are you?” This often made me feel like I had no personal identity. But now I am thankful to be related to many people who care about my children. I am glad my children can get a glimpse of what it is like to be in a big family, because they will definitely never have as many siblings as I do! I am 32 but I think of my siblings often, though we now live in four different states.
I have two brothers and four sisters. We’re all from the same set of parents. However we are rather spread out in age. My oldest brother is 19 years older than my youngest sister.
The oldest in my family is Luke who was born in Boston. He will be 35 in April and lives in Pennsylvania. He has been married almost 13 years and has five children, two girls and 3 boys. Their children range in age from 2 years old to almost 12 years old. Luke is a System Engineer and Administrator at Acxiom Corporation. He is very successful. Luke and I do not share a close sibling relationship perhaps because he is very busy with his family.
The next sibling, born in Georgia, is me.
Miriam, born in Missouri, is the sister after me. Miriam will be 31 years old on St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th). Miriam is a product engineer at Norment Security Group. She has been married almost 3 years and has a one year old son. Her family lives in Ohio. Even though she is younger than me, she was always held up as my example. She is an amazing person, very admirable and organized. We have the closest sibling relationship though we do not get to see each other often.
After Miriam comes Lydia. Lydia will be 26 on March 15th. She was born while we lived in Brussels, Belgium. She spoke mostly Lingala until she was two, due to her African nanny. She doesn’t remember living with us in Zaire but I know she cried a lot when we left her nanny behind. Lydia could not read at all until she was nine years old. She has found ways to manage and finish college but my parents are pretty sure has undiagnosed dyslexia. They are proud she managed without an interventions but I often wonder if a diagnosis would have helped. She used to be convinced she was stupid just because she struggled so much with reading. She graduated from college with a degree in Outdoor Leadership in Education and plans to spend her summer this year working in a camp in Kosovo. She may never be as wealthy financially as some of my other siblings but she has a real heart to reach out to others.
After Lydia comes Elijah. One way Elijah is special to me is that he is because I was present at his birth. I was one of the first people to hold his hand and speak with him as the doctor stitched up my mom. I was only 10 years old then so the experience made quite an impression on me.
Elijah is 22 years old and is a Software Engineer at Rockwell Collins. He lives in Iowa and is busy saving up to buy a home. He really wants to get married and start a family soon. I remember those days of wanting to rush to grow up and hope he makes good choices. I worry a bit since he broke up with his last girlfriend since she said she might want to work part-time. He is very traditional and wants a wife who will stay home and home-school their children. I wonder sometimes how his married life will turn out but I guess there are plenty of girls who dream of what he has in mind.
My sister Anna is 20 years old. She and Elijah were both born in Little Rock, Arkansas. She is the one who worries me the most. She still lives at home with my parents. She went to college for one year but then dropped out, in spite of making a 4.0. She is considered a local playwright and writes and directs 2-3 musicals a year. I admire her talent and organizational skills but she spends the majority of her time keeping house for my parents. She says that most of all she wants to marry and have a family of her own but she rarely is around any single men. I worry that she may spend the rest of her life caring for my parents. She says she realizes that may happen and she won’t resent it. I do wonder though that the years will pass and she will wish she had at least lived away from home for a little while.
The baby of the family is Jubilee. She was born in Alabama and will be 16 in April. Jubilee cares for two of our neighbors’ horses and competes on horseback in many competitions. She is starring at “Anne” the title role in “Anne of Green Gables” that will be presented in her community theatre in April (not the group Anna directs for.) Jubilee makes very high grades and hopes to become a mechanical engineer like Miriam.
I’m second in family placement but feel I’m at the bottom in achievement. The only things I ever did “first” were get married (at age 19) and have a few pieces of work published. I’m proud of my publication credits but it does seem like my siblings don’t think it’s a very big deal. They wonder why I would celebrate when I've never been paid for my writing. I’m 32 but I’m (still) in college.
I love my siblings very much but, as time goes on, I have begun to think very differently than they do. They are all very conservative and religious. They believe home-schooling is what any responsible parent does. They greatly question my judgment in wanting to become an English teacher to students outside my family. My 3 children attend public school and I hope to teach in the public school system. One reason I send my kids to school is I believe it is important to learn how to work in a group of people who aren't related to you. That's something that can be done through home-school groups but not something my parents exposed us to very often.
As the years pass, I have less and less in common with most of my siblings but they are still part of where I came from and still the people we spend some of our holidays with. They don’t understand why I no longer think as they do about political issues. They see life as full of black and white decisions where I have grown to see the world contains many hues. The world is full of color after all, as many views and nationalities as were represented on those matching flag outfits Mom used to make us wear. I come from a large clan but I’ve come to see there is a bigger family I am part of, that of all humanity. I hope that someday they will each see that even those who aren’t financially successful or in conventional marriages are still people who deserve to be loved. And I will love my siblings for who they are, even if they never change.
They are my family still, after all these years.
Below is a photo of us wearing the "dreaded" flag outfits. We girls don't look so bad because the photo doesn't show that all our skirts are ankle-length and in the same bright "flags of the world" material that the boy's shirts are in. Miriam and sewed all the outfits ourselves. Jubilee (the youngest) isn't in the photo since she wasn't born yet. In the photo, I have the very curly hair. My hair is naturally straight but I used to work hard to make it curl as a child, in an attempt to "stand out" in my family. My dad has the beard and Mom has dark hair. The three blond girls are me (with curls), Miriam, and Lydia. Anna has the reddish ponytails. Luke is the tall boy and Elijah is the blond toddler.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 06:34 pm (UTC)Lydia, Anna and Jubilee have all never had a boyfriend. Anna had ONE possibility but she believes her parents get to "screen" the boy. What do you want to bet that they sent him packing?
Yes, they did. And he was Elijah's best friend so it's hard to believe he wasn't "good enough" for Anna or conservative enough for my parents.
I (this may sound mean) think my parents saw their housekeeper and "cook from scratch" cook heading out the door and decided something was wrong with the boy. The sad thing is, Dad won't even tell her WHAT was wrong..and she accepts that.
You better believe I would be wondering and asking if I were her. Then again, I eloped at 19 with the person they told me not to marry. I don't understand how she thinks sometimes.
I'm very sad for your cousin. Was she unhappy? See, I think my parents are manipulating Anna but she can't see it.
Is your cousin sad now about her choice?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 06:37 pm (UTC)He has his eye on a girl who grew up homeschooled and is from a big family. My point is, someday she may be like me and realize, wait a minute. I do want to go to college and get a job.
And then...will he accept that?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 06:54 pm (UTC)Then after her mom died -- she was lost.
To me, your parents and sister sound like they are headed down this same path...
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 06:58 pm (UTC)The smallbear does have one friend that would consider your brother a dream come true. There ARE a few girls looking for Elijah and his fellow thinkers.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 07:03 pm (UTC)But she can't see it..
Of course, the young never can see it, I couldn't see things when I was young either.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 10:58 pm (UTC)The way you describe your family... they do seem conservative. From what you write, you're not really like that; it must be difficult to be able to find areas in common :/ I guess I hope that your siblings who are not yet married and want to be, get that opportunity, and they also end up happy later in life.
It also strikes me how much you feel connected to them, and worry about them. Part of being one of the older siblings, I suppose!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 12:29 am (UTC)Part of why it was hard to see who I am is that they are all..so accomplished! I didn't give all the details but all of them (except Lydia) scores much higher than me on all academic aptitude tests. They have always assumed that I'm "not that smart." Only now, going to college again, have I realized that I may not seem as smart as my siblings but I CAN do well in school and some professors (who don't know my siblings) DO consider me intelligent. I guess that seems like boasting but all of my life, I have felt...rather dumb.
And yes, I am the oldest girl so I am the "little mother." I was present at the birth of both Elijah and Jubilee and I heard Anna's birth through the open window as Mom labored in her bedroom with a midwife.
They are not my kids but I often worry about them like they are. I'm sure parents do this too but I remember myself at their age and see their choices and just..want to hold them back and steer them so they don't end up in places I have!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 12:31 am (UTC)I think he'll find someone. I just wonder if she will wonder what she has done if they end up with 7 or more kids like he is planning. I have 3 and I don't know how other people do it! (You had 5 right? I am amazed by people like you!)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 02:33 am (UTC)I'm sure your family will never forgive you for sending your kids to a school where evolution might be taught, so you are very brave to live as you do. And I think most families would feel blessed to have a "black sheep" like you.
I remember when I was little hearing guys say "no wife of mine is gonna work" and I'm more like "no wife of mine is going to stay unemployed" -- still, I'm sure in a population of 300 million Americans, many very serious about their faith, I suspect there's a girl for Elijah who fits his specs.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 05:36 pm (UTC)My dad grew up in boarding school so, even though the other missionaries on the station attended boarding school, his children (us) stayed on the station and were homeschooled. I missed having kids my age around that I could speak easily with though I did enjoy playing with an African step-daughter of an African doctor.
My husband started out with "no wife of mine will work." I was a stay at home mom for 8 years but, honestly, I'm not sure that is emotionally healthy for all women (it wasn't for me.) I'm in college now and it really helps to have goals and be working towards a job and knowing that I can contribute financially in the future.
I know many stay-at-home moms and so many are frustrated and get very picky about little things partly (I think) from the...your life can get so small as a SAHM. The main things you can look forward to are lunch with friends. It's hard not to focus on the trivial.
At least that was my experience. A few (very few that I know) women seem the thrive as SAHMs but apparently I was not meant to be one of them.
I just think that Elijah may marry someone and then a few years later, like me, she will want to do something else. And how will he handle that?
But he's young and does not understand (as I didn't understand many things when I was young.) Hindsight is always 20/20 right?:)
And no, they will never forgive me. My kids "learn so much evil" according to my parents. But...I do feel it is the right choice. I don't want my kids to...look upon others with such anger at their "evilness." The world is not as black and white as I was taught and I hope my kids see that younger than I did.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-12 10:08 pm (UTC)I agree with you about home schooling. I think that kids need to be surrounded by people who think differently than they do because when they get out into the world, they're going to have to work with all kinds of people. Your family sounds really cool. What did they do that had you guys travelling around all the time? Was it mission work? I think you mentioned something about that.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-13 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:33 am (UTC)It was actually interesting to "compare" them in my mind. They are all so..amazing and accomplished and then (oh yea!) there is me.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:34 am (UTC)I'm glad you felt the same way I did about "matching clothes"
My girls have a couple matching dresses but if they don't want to wear them at the same time, I don't MAKE them.
I want them to be themselves.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:41 am (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed the entry. I wasn't sure AT ALL what to write about!!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 03:08 am (UTC)