It is hard. I look forward to seeing them ..but then leave a visit with relief because it was a strain trying to talk without offending them.
Part of why it was hard to see who I am is that they are all..so accomplished! I didn't give all the details but all of them (except Lydia) scores much higher than me on all academic aptitude tests. They have always assumed that I'm "not that smart." Only now, going to college again, have I realized that I may not seem as smart as my siblings but I CAN do well in school and some professors (who don't know my siblings) DO consider me intelligent. I guess that seems like boasting but all of my life, I have felt...rather dumb.
And yes, I am the oldest girl so I am the "little mother." I was present at the birth of both Elijah and Jubilee and I heard Anna's birth through the open window as Mom labored in her bedroom with a midwife.
They are not my kids but I often worry about them like they are. I'm sure parents do this too but I remember myself at their age and see their choices and just..want to hold them back and steer them so they don't end up in places I have!
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Date: 2011-03-12 12:29 am (UTC)Part of why it was hard to see who I am is that they are all..so accomplished! I didn't give all the details but all of them (except Lydia) scores much higher than me on all academic aptitude tests. They have always assumed that I'm "not that smart." Only now, going to college again, have I realized that I may not seem as smart as my siblings but I CAN do well in school and some professors (who don't know my siblings) DO consider me intelligent. I guess that seems like boasting but all of my life, I have felt...rather dumb.
And yes, I am the oldest girl so I am the "little mother." I was present at the birth of both Elijah and Jubilee and I heard Anna's birth through the open window as Mom labored in her bedroom with a midwife.
They are not my kids but I often worry about them like they are. I'm sure parents do this too but I remember myself at their age and see their choices and just..want to hold them back and steer them so they don't end up in places I have!