I'm the Crooked Branch on My Family Tree
Mar. 11th, 2011 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lyricalechoesI grew up in a crowd. That’s been a strange part of becoming an adult, trying to get used to not being a crowd everywhere I go. I often feel very self-conscious, even now, because we always got a lot of attention when we went out in public. I forget that people probably are not staring at me everywhere I go. When I was young, I really hated the matching outfits Mom had us make out of material covered in flags of the world. When we were all dressed alike, I knew people would know for sure we were all in the same group. We also would get a lot of questions because we were home-schooled. If we were at a store in the morning, often strangers would ask my mom, “Shouldn’t these kids be in school?”
I like having seven siblings but I have spent most of my life wanting to feel unique, special, and important for just being me. People often referred to us as a clan. I can’t count how many times I was asked, “Now, which one are you?” This often made me feel like I had no personal identity. But now I am thankful to be related to many people who care about my children. I am glad my children can get a glimpse of what it is like to be in a big family, because they will definitely never have as many siblings as I do! I am 32 but I think of my siblings often, though we now live in four different states.
I have two brothers and four sisters. We’re all from the same set of parents. However we are rather spread out in age. My oldest brother is 19 years older than my youngest sister.
The oldest in my family is Luke who was born in Boston. He will be 35 in April and lives in Pennsylvania. He has been married almost 13 years and has five children, two girls and 3 boys. Their children range in age from 2 years old to almost 12 years old. Luke is a System Engineer and Administrator at Acxiom Corporation. He is very successful. Luke and I do not share a close sibling relationship perhaps because he is very busy with his family.
The next sibling, born in Georgia, is me.
Miriam, born in Missouri, is the sister after me. Miriam will be 31 years old on St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th). Miriam is a product engineer at Norment Security Group. She has been married almost 3 years and has a one year old son. Her family lives in Ohio. Even though she is younger than me, she was always held up as my example. She is an amazing person, very admirable and organized. We have the closest sibling relationship though we do not get to see each other often.
After Miriam comes Lydia. Lydia will be 26 on March 15th. She was born while we lived in Brussels, Belgium. She spoke mostly Lingala until she was two, due to her African nanny. She doesn’t remember living with us in Zaire but I know she cried a lot when we left her nanny behind. Lydia could not read at all until she was nine years old. She has found ways to manage and finish college but my parents are pretty sure has undiagnosed dyslexia. They are proud she managed without an interventions but I often wonder if a diagnosis would have helped. She used to be convinced she was stupid just because she struggled so much with reading. She graduated from college with a degree in Outdoor Leadership in Education and plans to spend her summer this year working in a camp in Kosovo. She may never be as wealthy financially as some of my other siblings but she has a real heart to reach out to others.
After Lydia comes Elijah. One way Elijah is special to me is that he is because I was present at his birth. I was one of the first people to hold his hand and speak with him as the doctor stitched up my mom. I was only 10 years old then so the experience made quite an impression on me.
Elijah is 22 years old and is a Software Engineer at Rockwell Collins. He lives in Iowa and is busy saving up to buy a home. He really wants to get married and start a family soon. I remember those days of wanting to rush to grow up and hope he makes good choices. I worry a bit since he broke up with his last girlfriend since she said she might want to work part-time. He is very traditional and wants a wife who will stay home and home-school their children. I wonder sometimes how his married life will turn out but I guess there are plenty of girls who dream of what he has in mind.
My sister Anna is 20 years old. She and Elijah were both born in Little Rock, Arkansas. She is the one who worries me the most. She still lives at home with my parents. She went to college for one year but then dropped out, in spite of making a 4.0. She is considered a local playwright and writes and directs 2-3 musicals a year. I admire her talent and organizational skills but she spends the majority of her time keeping house for my parents. She says that most of all she wants to marry and have a family of her own but she rarely is around any single men. I worry that she may spend the rest of her life caring for my parents. She says she realizes that may happen and she won’t resent it. I do wonder though that the years will pass and she will wish she had at least lived away from home for a little while.
The baby of the family is Jubilee. She was born in Alabama and will be 16 in April. Jubilee cares for two of our neighbors’ horses and competes on horseback in many competitions. She is starring at “Anne” the title role in “Anne of Green Gables” that will be presented in her community theatre in April (not the group Anna directs for.) Jubilee makes very high grades and hopes to become a mechanical engineer like Miriam.
I’m second in family placement but feel I’m at the bottom in achievement. The only things I ever did “first” were get married (at age 19) and have a few pieces of work published. I’m proud of my publication credits but it does seem like my siblings don’t think it’s a very big deal. They wonder why I would celebrate when I've never been paid for my writing. I’m 32 but I’m (still) in college.
I love my siblings very much but, as time goes on, I have begun to think very differently than they do. They are all very conservative and religious. They believe home-schooling is what any responsible parent does. They greatly question my judgment in wanting to become an English teacher to students outside my family. My 3 children attend public school and I hope to teach in the public school system. One reason I send my kids to school is I believe it is important to learn how to work in a group of people who aren't related to you. That's something that can be done through home-school groups but not something my parents exposed us to very often.
As the years pass, I have less and less in common with most of my siblings but they are still part of where I came from and still the people we spend some of our holidays with. They don’t understand why I no longer think as they do about political issues. They see life as full of black and white decisions where I have grown to see the world contains many hues. The world is full of color after all, as many views and nationalities as were represented on those matching flag outfits Mom used to make us wear. I come from a large clan but I’ve come to see there is a bigger family I am part of, that of all humanity. I hope that someday they will each see that even those who aren’t financially successful or in conventional marriages are still people who deserve to be loved. And I will love my siblings for who they are, even if they never change.
They are my family still, after all these years.
Below is a photo of us wearing the "dreaded" flag outfits. We girls don't look so bad because the photo doesn't show that all our skirts are ankle-length and in the same bright "flags of the world" material that the boy's shirts are in. Miriam and sewed all the outfits ourselves. Jubilee (the youngest) isn't in the photo since she wasn't born yet. In the photo, I have the very curly hair. My hair is naturally straight but I used to work hard to make it curl as a child, in an attempt to "stand out" in my family. My dad has the beard and Mom has dark hair. The three blond girls are me (with curls), Miriam, and Lydia. Anna has the reddish ponytails. Luke is the tall boy and Elijah is the blond toddler.
I like having seven siblings but I have spent most of my life wanting to feel unique, special, and important for just being me. People often referred to us as a clan. I can’t count how many times I was asked, “Now, which one are you?” This often made me feel like I had no personal identity. But now I am thankful to be related to many people who care about my children. I am glad my children can get a glimpse of what it is like to be in a big family, because they will definitely never have as many siblings as I do! I am 32 but I think of my siblings often, though we now live in four different states.
I have two brothers and four sisters. We’re all from the same set of parents. However we are rather spread out in age. My oldest brother is 19 years older than my youngest sister.
The oldest in my family is Luke who was born in Boston. He will be 35 in April and lives in Pennsylvania. He has been married almost 13 years and has five children, two girls and 3 boys. Their children range in age from 2 years old to almost 12 years old. Luke is a System Engineer and Administrator at Acxiom Corporation. He is very successful. Luke and I do not share a close sibling relationship perhaps because he is very busy with his family.
The next sibling, born in Georgia, is me.
Miriam, born in Missouri, is the sister after me. Miriam will be 31 years old on St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th). Miriam is a product engineer at Norment Security Group. She has been married almost 3 years and has a one year old son. Her family lives in Ohio. Even though she is younger than me, she was always held up as my example. She is an amazing person, very admirable and organized. We have the closest sibling relationship though we do not get to see each other often.
After Miriam comes Lydia. Lydia will be 26 on March 15th. She was born while we lived in Brussels, Belgium. She spoke mostly Lingala until she was two, due to her African nanny. She doesn’t remember living with us in Zaire but I know she cried a lot when we left her nanny behind. Lydia could not read at all until she was nine years old. She has found ways to manage and finish college but my parents are pretty sure has undiagnosed dyslexia. They are proud she managed without an interventions but I often wonder if a diagnosis would have helped. She used to be convinced she was stupid just because she struggled so much with reading. She graduated from college with a degree in Outdoor Leadership in Education and plans to spend her summer this year working in a camp in Kosovo. She may never be as wealthy financially as some of my other siblings but she has a real heart to reach out to others.
After Lydia comes Elijah. One way Elijah is special to me is that he is because I was present at his birth. I was one of the first people to hold his hand and speak with him as the doctor stitched up my mom. I was only 10 years old then so the experience made quite an impression on me.
Elijah is 22 years old and is a Software Engineer at Rockwell Collins. He lives in Iowa and is busy saving up to buy a home. He really wants to get married and start a family soon. I remember those days of wanting to rush to grow up and hope he makes good choices. I worry a bit since he broke up with his last girlfriend since she said she might want to work part-time. He is very traditional and wants a wife who will stay home and home-school their children. I wonder sometimes how his married life will turn out but I guess there are plenty of girls who dream of what he has in mind.
My sister Anna is 20 years old. She and Elijah were both born in Little Rock, Arkansas. She is the one who worries me the most. She still lives at home with my parents. She went to college for one year but then dropped out, in spite of making a 4.0. She is considered a local playwright and writes and directs 2-3 musicals a year. I admire her talent and organizational skills but she spends the majority of her time keeping house for my parents. She says that most of all she wants to marry and have a family of her own but she rarely is around any single men. I worry that she may spend the rest of her life caring for my parents. She says she realizes that may happen and she won’t resent it. I do wonder though that the years will pass and she will wish she had at least lived away from home for a little while.
The baby of the family is Jubilee. She was born in Alabama and will be 16 in April. Jubilee cares for two of our neighbors’ horses and competes on horseback in many competitions. She is starring at “Anne” the title role in “Anne of Green Gables” that will be presented in her community theatre in April (not the group Anna directs for.) Jubilee makes very high grades and hopes to become a mechanical engineer like Miriam.
I’m second in family placement but feel I’m at the bottom in achievement. The only things I ever did “first” were get married (at age 19) and have a few pieces of work published. I’m proud of my publication credits but it does seem like my siblings don’t think it’s a very big deal. They wonder why I would celebrate when I've never been paid for my writing. I’m 32 but I’m (still) in college.
I love my siblings very much but, as time goes on, I have begun to think very differently than they do. They are all very conservative and religious. They believe home-schooling is what any responsible parent does. They greatly question my judgment in wanting to become an English teacher to students outside my family. My 3 children attend public school and I hope to teach in the public school system. One reason I send my kids to school is I believe it is important to learn how to work in a group of people who aren't related to you. That's something that can be done through home-school groups but not something my parents exposed us to very often.
As the years pass, I have less and less in common with most of my siblings but they are still part of where I came from and still the people we spend some of our holidays with. They don’t understand why I no longer think as they do about political issues. They see life as full of black and white decisions where I have grown to see the world contains many hues. The world is full of color after all, as many views and nationalities as were represented on those matching flag outfits Mom used to make us wear. I come from a large clan but I’ve come to see there is a bigger family I am part of, that of all humanity. I hope that someday they will each see that even those who aren’t financially successful or in conventional marriages are still people who deserve to be loved. And I will love my siblings for who they are, even if they never change.
They are my family still, after all these years.
Below is a photo of us wearing the "dreaded" flag outfits. We girls don't look so bad because the photo doesn't show that all our skirts are ankle-length and in the same bright "flags of the world" material that the boy's shirts are in. Miriam and sewed all the outfits ourselves. Jubilee (the youngest) isn't in the photo since she wasn't born yet. In the photo, I have the very curly hair. My hair is naturally straight but I used to work hard to make it curl as a child, in an attempt to "stand out" in my family. My dad has the beard and Mom has dark hair. The three blond girls are me (with curls), Miriam, and Lydia. Anna has the reddish ponytails. Luke is the tall boy and Elijah is the blond toddler.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 08:02 pm (UTC)SO questioned it, but that's another story for another day.
I love the photo, but gah, those shirts!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 09:07 pm (UTC)We were such a sight. I HATED those clothes.
My older brother's kids also accept the mind-set without questioning it.
I'm glad SO broke free..."another story" sounds like a possible LJI entry? (or will SO be in Idol one day?:)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 05:20 pm (UTC)Just keep being you and growing (and glad SO is along for the journey)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 02:36 am (UTC)I think even a lot of women who would be happy as a stay at home parent would be put off by a prospective boyfriend saying he'd never let his wife work, so I wonder how things would work out for Elijah.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 02:38 am (UTC)One day I'll find a photo of all of us in our hideous "striped shirts" which my mom picked out.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 03:50 am (UTC)But I'm worried that would get me voted out...
Thanks for friending me:)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 03:53 am (UTC)My girls SOMETIMES enjoy dressing alike but I try to also let them be themselves and never force the issue (my sister, Anna, has made them a few matching dresses.)
I really wonder how it will work for Elijah. It just...it seems so..high-handed and wrong to me that he wouldn't have considered the last girl working part time when the kids are older.
"Never working" is a LOT to give up..especially as you don't know how your dreams may change as you age.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 04:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 09:00 am (UTC)I didn't find out I was dyslexic until I was in graduate school. Learning that was officially true changed my life. No, seriously. Suddenly I wasn't just a dumb guy who couldn't always tell left from right, or who was lazy because he got tired when he tried to study for long periods of time.
It would be worth it for your sister, to this day, to know this. Well, in my opinion.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 10:15 am (UTC)Your worries for Anna are some of the same concerns I have about my own sister. Dad lives with her and she looks after him. I'm impressed by her playwriting, though! Especially for someone so young.
This kind of reminded me of my extended family, which I wrote a little bit about here (http://yako.livejournal.com/10750.html). I don't have a bit immediate family, but I do sure have a lot of relatives. I also love them and want them in my life regardless of whether they agree with some of my life decisions. I think it's the kind of thing that's hard to explain why to someone who doesn't regard family with the same importance.
Also, I should totally scan one of the photos I have of me, my siblings and my cousins all wearing similar clothes my Mum made us. You're not alone!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 12:30 pm (UTC)I admire Anna for writing plays but I really wish she would branch out a little. EVERY play she writes is a retell of a Bible story. I give her little suggestions (nothing scary, she is very conservative) but she prefers to use only one story source. I just know I learn more from branching out to new ideas. She's done a Christmas play 3 different times (but same story different ways basically) I just think it would be neat if she tried something new.
I'm off to read your family entry.
Go ahead and post the sibling photo?:)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 12:58 pm (UTC)Re-tellings would still take a lot of effort to write, though I understand why you'd like her to branch out a bit. I mean, personally, I get bored if I'm doing the same thing, even if I'm doing it in different ways!
(Cousin, me, cousin, my brother, cousin, my sister)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 07:19 pm (UTC)I don't have much in common with my family either. They've never understood me.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 12:21 am (UTC)I liked this. The writing was conversational and I wanted to read what is next.
I grew up with 2 brothers and 1 sister (I'm the oldest) and for many years the running gag was that we looked so much like each other that if you met one of us, you met the entire clan. That use to drive my sister crazy because she wanted to be her own person.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 03:50 am (UTC)I actually kind of hate that I wasn't..."content" with it. I have this nagging feeling that a "good woman" would have enjoyed it.
If you can make that lifestyle work and enjoy it, I don't see why it should be a problem. I just know that, after "staying home" for 8 years...I found I really want to go back to school.
We all have different goals and different lives. I'm sure you add to others lives in your sphere and I'm glad you have found a life that works for you.
I'm sorry you also feel misunderstood by your family. I hope you have found friends and others who are supportive and are good friends:)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 11:57 am (UTC)I think a "good woman" sees what is needed for her family and does it, while also being sure that she, herself, is being taken care of as well. It doesn't mean putting yourself on the bottom of importance.
I've been very lucky to find a world of people here online and in the real world that love me and remind me that I'm special to them. :D